MIKE BEAS: Hot doggin' not a sport

Columns

Discussion

July 5, 2007

Anonymous The Herald Bulletin Thu Jul 05, 2007, 11:24 PM EDT

I’ve got to be frank (or is it frankfurter?) with you. I barely slept a wink the other night knowing that within hours the annual hot dog eating competition would be taking place.

There was tossing, not to mention turning. Far more staring at the ceiling than I like.

The suspense made brats (I mean knots) of my nerves, almost as if my two favorite NFL teams, Indianapolis and Green Bay, were about to play one another in a Super Bowl.

The stage was set: Could some scrawny American clod scarf down more weenies his Japanese counterpart, the Richard Petty of his field as a six-time champion, in the allotted time?

Pins and needles time, baby. Competition at its very finest.

And we thought former Kansas City Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt, the man who in the 1960s thought up that little thing we call the Super Bowl, qualified as a sports marketing genius.

Truth be known, I didn’t watch these goobers, American Joey Chestnut and his opponent, Takeru Kobayashi, take indigestion to new heights. Nor have I ever tuned in to a hot dog eating competition because, contrary to what popular belief, it’s not a sport.

There’s not a ball, there’s not a puck. There’s not a racquet, there’s not a bat.

Yet earlier this week, ESPN ran previews of the event, quite possibly the network’s lowest point since airing one of the true stink-ola movies in cinematic history, “Season on the Brink,” five years ago (think “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” with a cameo by a plaid-wearing Brian Dennehy as Bob Knight).

Also demonstrating poor judgment is a premier national online sports Web site that found itself pulled in. Beneath the customary invitations to point and click — NFL, MLB, NHL, Tennis, Golf, etc. — is, and I’m not kidding, Competitive Eating.

There it recaps in great detail the edge-of-your-seat drama associated with Chestnut’s devouring of 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes compared to Kobayashi’s 63. There’s even a photograph with a wiener and some bun falling out of the mouth of a dazed-looking Chestnut.

Very attractive.

Are we as a nation that bored? Have we become so lukewarm toward Major League Baseball that televised face-stuffing must be used to plug gaps between the NBA Finals and the start of college and pro football?

Have the dog days of summer been replaced by the hot dog days of summer?

I’ve long thought that what America truly needed were hot dog-scarfing role models. It’s not like this country is battling a child obesity problem or anything. Or an obesity problem in general.

You do realize that as you read this know there are teens and adults alike purchasing packs of wieners and buns, then rushing home to determine his or her consumption limit in 12 minutes.

Perhaps the worst part of Chestnut’s triumph is that spectators at Coney Island actually exited with some sort of national air of superiority because the winner, who hails from San Jose, Calif., defeated the seemingly unbeatable competitor from the far away land.

“U-S-A. U-S-A. U-S-A.”

Um, people. This wasn’t the United States hockey team shocking the sports-watching world by defeating the Soviet Union in the 1980 Winter Olympics.

It’s hot dog consumption, nothing more or less, and it shouldn’t be televised nationally.

Then again, neither should poker and we are fed far too much of that.

Sports Editor Mike Beas can be reached at mike.beas@heraldbulletin.com.

Text Only

Columns

Emmett Dulaney: When Twitter backfires
Twitter, that innocuous social media tool that lets users send out 140 character snippets to their followers, is being used more and more as a marketing tool.

February 13, 2012 1 Photo
John Williams: Valentine tip from Social Security
Valentine’s Day is a popular time of year for proclamations of love. Such displays of affection can be as simple and sweet as a heart with a “be mine” message, or as life altering as a vow before the altar.

February 12, 2012 1 Photo
Scott Underwood: TV section alterations on the way
Two Sundays ago, The Herald Bulletin introduced a new product called Click, replacing the TV Week section. Like TV Week, Click includes TV listings grids, sports listings and Sudoku and crossword puzzles.

February 12, 2012 1 Photo
'Big Joe' Clark: The $100 million IRA - and how to get one
Is it possible to save $100 million? No, but it is possible to invest and end up with that sum of money. Mitt Romney is not alone; there are others with mega IRAs.

February 11, 2012 1 Photo
Analysis: Exceptional voice seemed lost in Houston's excessive fame
Whitney Houston’s numerous comeback attempts never gelled into anything the public cared about.

February 11, 2012
Brian Howey: Automotive factor explains why Obama opens Indiana office
On Thursday, the Obama for America campaign opened up an office in Indiana, a state with a century-old love affair with the internal combustion engine.

February 11, 2012
Maleah Stringer: Be truthful when filling out an application to adopt a pet
Animal shelters, humane societies and animal rescue groups across the country use adoption applications to screen applicants.

February 11, 2012 1 Photo
Jim Bailey: Plenty of sports celebrities have spoken in Anderson
Those who like to hear about their favorite sports from the horse’s mouth have had plenty of opportunities over the years in Anderson.

February 11, 2012 1 Photo
Howard Hewitt: Ivo Nardi of Italy leading organic push
Much of Europe is way ahead of the United States when it comes to the demand and supply of organic products.

February 11, 2012
Don McAllister: Dovetailing on a great column with a word on encouragement
Every day starts a new story, and this one tips its hat to a great column that recently appeared in The Herald Bulletin by Jesse Wilkerson where he emphasized the value of choosing one’s words.

February 11, 2012 1 Photo
More Columns Headlines

Columns

Search Results

Discussion

MIKE BEAS: Hot doggin' not a sport

Which form of taxation is most fair?

Site Map

Contact Us