ANDERSON, Ind. —
Dating violence has been seen locally in relationships as young as sixth grade, Alternatives Inc. prevention specialist Todd Cawthorn said.
“They are learning a lot of reading, writing and arithmetic in school but they are also learning interpersonal relationships,” Cawthorn said. “They need to be aware of what a healthy relationship is. If they exhibit that behavior now or tolerate it now it will affect the way they have relationships as adults.”
Cawthorn and Alternatives victims advocate Kandi Floyd will be two of the presenters during tonight’s domestic violence forum at Anderson High School. They will be talking about warning signs and red flags of dating violence and what those teens, their friends or families can do to help someone in that situation.
“A lot of teens aren’t really aware of how dangerous some of these behaviors are,” Cawthorn said. “And parents need to be aware that children at home are learning relationship skills from their parents. They pick up on everything, be it health or unhealthy behaviors, no matter how young they are.”
Floyd said some of the red flags include excessive jealousy; the need to look through text messages, social media websites and emails; controlling how the victim dresses or who the victim hangs out with; checking in with family and friends to see who the victim is with; the victim isolating themselves or signs of injury.
“People need to be aware that controlling or violent behavior doesn’t have to be physical abuse,” she said. “If you think this is happening to a friend or someone you know, call for help, get resources. Don’t ignore it or depend on someone else to call.”
Floyd said parents and others need to understand that the emotions of a teen victim aren’t much different than those of an adult. They will want to blame themselves for the abuse and make excuses for the abuser.
An open line of communication is critical to help prevent and intervene when it comes to teen dating violence, both Floyd and Cawthorn said.
“Make sure you know what is going on in your child’s life,” Cawthorn said. “If you aren’t able to speak to your child about the smallest things, when it does come to a situation where you are really afraid for your child’s safety you won’t be able to have those conversations.”
He suggested having conversation starters about healthy relationships to get to talking about it and to find common ground with your teen so conversations can be easier.
Cawthorn said the biggest component of an abusive teen dating relationship is control — controlling who the victim sits with at lunch, who the victim talks to, going through the victim’s cellphone or emails, which college the victim goes to, what kind of birth control is used, among other things.
“Dating violence and sexual assault are preventable crimes,” he said. “We can do that by working with the community, especially young people, to change inherent behaviors like gender stereotypes, controlling behaviors and violating personal boundaries.”
Floyd said it is often talked about how the younger generation will be the ones to change our society, but that change can’t happen if we don’t teach them.
“In order for them to be that change we must educate them about the cycle of violence, about teen dating violence and sexual assault prevention,” she said. “We educate our children on everything else — why not teach them how not to be a victim?”
Cawthorn and Floyd provide dating violence education in Madison County schools, one of the mandates of Heather’s Law passed in 2010. Heather Norris, 20, was killed by her abusive boyfriend in 2007. The state law requires the state Department of Education to develop and distribute materials to students from sixth grade through seniors on how to spot, and end, dating relationships that turn abusive.
Find Abbey Doyle on Facebook and @heraldbulletin on Twitter, or call 640-4805.
Faces of Domestic Violence
Related Photos
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Kandi Floyd, of Alternatives, Inc., give a dating violence presentation to classes at Anderson High School Monday. John P. Cleary
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Todd Cawthorn, of Alternatives, Inc., give a dating violence presentation to classes at Anderson High School Monday. John P. Cleary
Discussion
Teens can be victims of domestic violence, too
Resources available to help
- Faces of Domestic Violence
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Who can stop domestic violence? You
The elimination of abuse in relationships — with time, cooperation and commitment — is possible, said Colleen Yeakle, coordinator of the Indiana Coalition of Domestic Violence’s (ICADV) prevention initiative.
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Legislation comes a long way, but more change needed
Each year the Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence sets its legislative priorities based on year-round discussions with its members and legislators to see what needs are out there and what is going on in the field.
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Children affected by abuse too
While some may think the atmosphere at Alternatives, the Anderson domestic violence shelter, would be a somber one, instead it is a building filled with laughter and joy.
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Kristy Gissendanner: 'Vivacious and sweet'
Six-day-old Gabrielle Gissendanner and her 18-month-old brother Michael weren’t far from their mom when Harry Gissendanner shot and killed Kristy in their Anderson home in 2004.
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John Davis: ‘Defined by your actions and inactions’
John Davis wants his pain to make a difference. He’s hopeful sharing what he experienced and witnessed growing up will empower someone else to leave a dangerous situation or avoid it altogether.
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‘It was life-altering’
Casey Huffman should have taken her son Camdon to his first day of kindergarten this year. She should be picking out a Halloween costume for him. She should be thinking about how to help him achieve his hopes and dreams. Instead, Casey mourns over his all-too-early death.
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Tina Tomlinson: 'She was a hoot'
Tina Tomlinson was just “plain fun,” her family recalled. The mother of two and dedicated grandmother was someone family could look to for a good time.
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Domestic violence prevention is possible, expert says
Gender stereotypes are just one thing that Todd Cawthorn and five other speakers, during a 90-minute panel discussion Tuesday night, talked about that create an environment where domestic violence is accepted.
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Teens can be victims of domestic violence, too
Dating violence has been seen locally in relationships as young as sixth grade, Alternatives Inc. prevention specialist Todd Cawthorn said.
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Justice for victims
While a protective order is an important piece of the legal puzzle that domestic violence victims have to solve, Judge Stephen Clase stresses to each that it is, after all, “just a piece of paper.” “They won’t stop a knife or a bullet,” he said. “I tell them they need to be on guard at all times.”
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