Every once in awhile it happens.
Somewhere in my wee little brain an “issue” is introduced, like an irritating seed. I can’t get it out of my head, so the seed actually sprouts — and it grows and grows and before I know it, there it is.
A big, lush, full blown, full grown, OPINION.
I try to avoid opinions, mainly because I am the only female in my house and I am not really allowed to have them. Sighing, staring blankly, barely audible snorting, frowning, allowing my jaw to drop even a little, blinking too frequently, not blinking frequently enough, or any perceived reaction of any kind is considered an expressed opinion — or “freaking out,” according to my offspring. Which is why I am never immediately privy to important information like “Mom, we are pregnant” or “Mom, I caught the kitchen on fire.”
But since I do possess a low-functioning brain, every now and then I allow myself a conviction, especially if the topic is reasonably benign — and sure enough, I grew a thought the other day after watching an episode of “Extreme Couponing.”
I have always been interested in coupons. Not so long ago we were feeding a family that included two teenage boys who would eat bait if they were hungry. Coupons helped keep our pantry full of all kinds of empty calories that kept them from gnawing off their own limbs. Or someone else’s.
Now since our empty nest isn’t empty anymore, my interest in couponing is renewed, and I thought I might pick up a few pointers from the television program.
I did pick up a few pointers. Like how to turn my home into a useless warehouse filled with enough toothpaste to last at least 40 years after my own death. Fortunately, teeth don’t decompose in a big hurry. The problem would be getting someone to brush them after my death.
But maybe extreme couponers have more teeth to brush than normal people? Like sharks?
Extreme couponers also get very excited about toilet paper. They will arrive at the store at the “crack” of dawn in order to “wipe” out the shelves, leaving everyone else high and not so dry. They haul it home and proudly pack it into every bulging closet.
And then there is the woman who got 70 bottles of mustard because it was cheap — and a couponer who bought an obscene amount of cat treats, which are now stored in her attic, because she doesn’t actually own a cat.
OK, this is the part where I share my opinion, which I’ve been working up to, obviously.
“Extreme” couponing is not usually about feeding a family, or frugality. Most dumpster-diving, coupon-stealing, shelf-decimating extreme couponers aren’t trying to save their starving, bloated-bellied babies. And most don’t do it so they can donate 200 boxes of Cheerios to charity. Nope. They are just your run-of-the-mill hoarders — or worse — they desperately need to get signed up for a “greedy peoples’ anonymous” support group.
There, I said it out loud. And it does matter to people like me, because stores are changing their coupon policies to protect themselves against those out-of-control couponers who abuse a good thing — making it a little more difficult for reasonable folks to find a good deal or stock up a little in a tough economy.
Plus the store cashier rolls her eyes when she spots my coupon organizer…
Theresa Timmons’ column appears every first and third Sunday. She is an Elwood resident and can be reached at paperflinger40@yahoo.com.
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Theresa Timmons is an Elwood resident. She can be reached at paperflinger40@yahoo.com.
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Theresa Timmons: An opinion on couponers
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