Dear Steve and Lynelle,

I found out that my little sister, and I mean little, recently posted risqué photos of herself on myspace.com. I am 21 years old and my sister is only 13. I also have a myspace page and wondered why she would never accept me as a friend. I have not been able to view her page until recently when I had another friend allow me to look at her page under his name.

And I was shocked at what I saw.

While on vacation last summer — with my parents — she and a friend managed to take photos on the beach with the skimpiest bathing suits I have ever seen. She might as well be naked, which is where I’m afraid this is going to lead.

I have confronted my sister about the pictures and told her to take them down. For about a week they were gone and then she deleted her page entirely. I just found out recently, though, that she just changed her name and set up a different account.

I confronted her again and threatened to tell my parents, but she said she’ll just keep changing her name online and profile so they can’t find her.

I’ve explained to her how dangerous this can be and that she doesn’t know who has copied or downloaded these pictures. They could pop up later in her life or get her into trouble now. She’s 13. She just doesn’t understand.

As far as I’m concerned, I consider these photographs child pornography. They are bad. And I’m not just saying this because it’s my sister. My friends didn’t realize she was 13 because the photographs make her look 18 or older.

What do I do? How do I make her understand?



Steve: You’ve answered your own question: There’s really nothing you can do. If she wants to put risqué pictures of herself on myspace, she’s going to do it and she’ll do it in a way that keeps her family in the dark.

We live in a sexualized culture and kids see stuff on the Internet that was never available in such quantities to previous generations. It’s led to a coarseness of society that people seem to thrive on because they need immediate stimuli. All of the reasons that appall you about her photos — the danger, the child porn aspects — are exciting to her because she sees everyone else doing it, and she gets a lot of attention that way.

But you’re right when you say she just doesn’t understand. She might look 18, but she has the mind of a child. How do you get through to that mind? Whatever she’s been taught about morality and sexuality can’t match the excitement she feels as a cyber pinup for her “friends.” When you’re 13, of course, there is no future. It’s all now.

It sounds as if you’ve tried the tough love approach and failed. The tone of your question seems to leave little room for understanding. Time for a new strategy. See if she’s interested in doing anything else except trolling myspace. Offer to take her to a movie, a concert, a sporting event and see what she’s interested in. Get her talking about things, but don’t talk down to her. Let her know what she says and thinks matters. Let her know there’s more to life than “cyber friends.”

Of course, you can’t be with her all the time, and she’ll go back to myspace. But maybe you can help her mature to the point that she places more importance on being involved in life than playacting on the Internet.



Lynelle: OK, Steve, you are letting this girl off the hook too easily. If she’s cunning enough to take half-naked photos (while on vacation with her parents) and put them on the Internet, she’s smart enough to understand the consequences. Like you said, she knows it’s bad, that’s why she’s doing it.

I’m young, but I also understand that gone are the days that trouble means sneaking out to merely toilet paper a friend’s house or try your first swig of beer. Just because times have changed, though, doesn’t mean it’s an excuse for dangerous behavior. And this is dangerous. Very dangerous.

To the writer, I definitely think you have to tell your parents. There are ways to get this to stop. Limiting or supervising Internet time for her and making sure other parents know about the situation so if she’d even attempt to make another profile at a friend’s house, your parents have support. Some good old-fashioned grounding — meaning no computer, no cell phone, no television — will do the trick for a little while at least. Being incommunicado at this age is social suicide for a 13-year-old.

I think it’s good to be concerned about your sister, and I know you probably feel some loyalty to her but you need to tell your parents then step away. Let them handle this. Just make sure they understand the entire situation and why you are so concerned. It would be a great idea, if they don’t already know, to educate them on myspace — how it works, who’s using it, etc.

I’m not a parent and have no room to criticize, but I can’t stand all the excuses people give to allow children to act like this. Although I understand it’s VERY tough for teens these days, we can’t blame it on today’s society.

Steve, we may live in a sexualized culture where kids see stuff on the Internet that was never available in such quantities to previous generations before, but that doesn’t mean parents and educators shouldn’t do their best to stop this before it leads to an even more crude society. Things can be done.



Steve and Lynelle want to give you advice! They are always looking for good questions to answer, so pass on your drama, dating disasters, relationship woes and any problems that come your way. Write to them at steveandlynelle@heraldbulletin.com or send a letter to them at 1133 Jackson St., Anderson, IN 46016. Too frustrated to write? Call Steve at (765) 640-4863 or Lynelle at (765) 640-4847. Advice columnists Steve Dick and Lynelle Miller bring unique perspectives to your problems each Tuesday.